“sweetie needs help”
Shine a light into the dark dungeon where your heart has been hidden
“It is difficult to realize actually how desperately we need love. You inhabit your life, you seem to be in control. . . . From the outside, you seem to be managing very well.
Because you present this face to the world, no-one suspects that you havea different ‘inner body’ called the heart—which can do nothing for itself, if it is not loved. . .
If our hearts were outside our bodies, we would see them as crippled bodies which transform into ballet dancers under the gaze, and in the embrace, of love. . .
Like someone who has been lost for years in a forgotten place, you rejoice in being found.
—John O’Donohue, Eternal Echoes
Visiting my father and stepmother as an adult, I noticed something small but meaningful: whenever one made a request to the other, they began with the word “sweetie.”
Years later, a dear friend often called me sweetie, and I began noticing the effect—it softened something in my heart. Over time, the word became part of my own vocabulary.
Living with two chronic, debilitating illnesses, I already face many challenges just to get through each day. A recent move has added weeks of stress and extra demands, leaving me feeling unmoored and anxious.
Then, because of persistent back pain from a surgery years ago, I decided to buy a simple robot floor cleaner instead of a traditional vacuum. The app asked me to give it a name, and playfully, I decided to call it “sweetie.”
Not knowing that a program always needs to start at the charging dock, I placed the cleaner in the middle of the kitchen with the door closed, expecting it to clean just that room. Thirty seconds later, the app sent me a message:
“sweetie needs help; sweetie was unable to find its way home.”
I felt unexpectedly moved. I almost cried.
In that moment, sweetie felt like my own heart—lost, needing help, trying to find its way home. And it was up to me to bring her back.
That’s self-compassion.
To understand what self-compassion is, it’s helpful to see why it’s so deeply needed—especially now.
On some level, many of us still carry a pervasive sense of unworthiness. Unworthy of love. Unworthy of forgiveness. Unworthy of happiness.
So, we fall into patterns of self-blame—not just feeling guilty, but unforgivable. We turn against ourselves, throwing spears of harsh judgment, and keeping ourselves small.
We’re convinced that we don’t deserve love or belonging. We believe we should suffer. And so, we lock our dear heart away in a dungeon and throw away the key.
Sometimes we hear teachings that say at our core, our innermost essence is “Buddha nature,” a spark of the divine—an innate goodness and purity that is always present. Our natural state is free, open, and untouched by emotions or fears—or anything that’s happened in our life.
And yet, our first reaction is,
“Not me. If you really knew what I’ve done, you wouldn’t say that.”
Even if by luck we catch a glimpse of that inner freedom, we quickly retreat back into our familiar prison of guilt and blame—as if that is the “home” where we belong.
Then every struggle, every mistake, every failure becomes more evidence of our badness. We add these to our prison sentence, deepening the spiral.
In the coming weeks, I’ll explore self-forgiveness even more—and demonstrate why it’s the cornerstone of genuine compassion, both for ourselves and for others.
For now, just pause.
Take a moment to turn toward that tender place within.
Shine a light into the dark dungeon where your heart’s been hidden.
Sweetie needs help. Sweetie is unable to find its way home.
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A deeper dive
Open Meditations
You’re warmly invited to join the Open Self-compassion meditation each Sunday – it’s free. Write for the zoom link: cclongaker@protonmail.com
Online Seminar in June
Self-Forgiveness in the Light of Compassion
Free Guided Meditation
Healing Warmth of Love
Deutsch Die Heilende Waerme der liebe
https://www.dropbox.com/s/lfdtg9hm0gxyg0k/GM%20D%20Die%20Heilende%20Waerme%20der%20Liebe.mp3?dl=0
Español Healing warmth of love
https://www.dropbox.com/s/m1agtpxt3qlfjia/Healing%20warmth%20of%20love.%20%20CL.%20%20SP..m4a?dl=0
Other Resources
“Joy, Ease and Self-forgiveness” - an album of guided meditations.
“Facing Death and Finding Hope” , my first book, published in 8 languages.
© 2026 photo, text and recording: Christine Longaker
Sweet idea to occasionally program reminders like this into everyday tasks….just in case we forget.
Feeling this 💙 joyously dancing to Swan Lake ☺️❣️🙏🏽🙇🏽♀️🌷